so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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