i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
