I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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