Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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