I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
