If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
