Do you still have your period?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
