I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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