I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
