miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There are leaves in my underwear?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
