I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
