After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
