Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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