There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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