i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
