I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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