sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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