I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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