Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
