i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
