This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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