i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
