Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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