mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
