U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
