No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
