Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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