He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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