And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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