I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
