How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
