Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
