new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
