I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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