Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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