Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think a kid would responsible me up
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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