Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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