So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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