dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
