I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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