I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
