ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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