I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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