I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
