Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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