they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
