so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
