"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
