At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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