if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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