"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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