You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
