Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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