A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
