Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
