Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
