At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
