I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
