love makes seman taste better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
