You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
