I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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