i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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