I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
